To Be Loved Part 1

All was quiet in the large blue house at the end of a dead-end street. A couple in their late forties lay sleeping wrapped in each other’s arms. The old antique home was purchased many years earlier in hopes of filling it with lots of children; just a pipe dream. They accepted long ago that the only children in their lives would be the students they taught.

 

*Ding Dong*

 

A woman with long dark hair sat up first. She was very confused the clock read 3:30 am. Who on earth is ringing the door bell at this hour?

 

*Ding Dong*

 

This time a man with long sandy hair sat up shaking the sleep out of his eyes, “was that the doorbell?”

 

“I think so,” the woman said pulling on her robe peering out the window.

 

“Do you see anyone," the man asks?

 

“It’s a police car?”

 

The doorbell rings again as the couple finds their way through their dark home. Opening the door, the woman comes face to face with two police officers with a young girl between them. It took the woman a few seconds to realize who was standing in front of her. The girl was supposed to be away at college something that she helped her achieve. It was the police officer on the left that spoke first.

 

“Sorry to wake you at such a late hour. We picked this girl up on Main Street. Upon talking with her we discovered that not only is she very intoxicated she is also underage even if it’s only by three weeks.”

 

“Intoxicated, Sunshine,” the woman question? 

 

“Now Ma’am, I know you are upset with her but I still feel it’s better to let the parents handle this matter. We questioned her for her address, she refused at first but after awhile she told us.”

 

“Her parents,” the woman questions again?

 

“Ma’am, you, and your husband are her parents? Are you not?”

 

“Yes, Officer we are,” the woman quickly answered. 

 

The woman’s husband walked back into the house after that. He never agreed with his wife taking such a chance on the young girl now standing on their front door step. She knew too much; she could end both their careers.

 

“Oh, good my partner was worried that she gave a false address. I hope you are able to correct her behaviour so we don’t meet like this again.”

 

“Oh, I’m going to make sure we don’t meet like this again,” the woman assured glaring at the young girl. The woman watched as both officers tipped their hats and climbed back into their patrol car. Grabbing the young girl’s left ear, the woman pulled her into the dining room. “Aw Miss let go!”

 

“Sit down! We have some talking to do,” Miss ordered.

 

“It’s not that big of a deal! I was drinking I couldn’t let them take me home. They’d arrest my mother.”

 

“Is she doing drugs again,” Miss questioned? 

 

“More like selling it…. Miss, it’s fine I can just go home through the gullies.”

 

“You aren’t leaving this house drunk. Let alone running through the gullies at 4 am.”

 

“Don’t be so damn bossy. I’ll be fine,” I stated crossing my arms.

 

“You better remember who you are talking to.” Complete submission fell over the room. Sunshine found that nervous spot on the floor to look at. She never contemplated that Miss wouldn’t let her leave after the cops were gone.

 

“That’s better! Follow me!” Sunshine followed Miss closely up the stairs her mind racing with what ifs. Miss had always been extremely strict with her throughout high school. Sunshine needed it and craved it; Miss understood that. Sunshine noticed light coming out from under a closed door she imaged “him” pacing back and forth. He had never understood Sunshine or the relationship Sunshine and his wife had. Miss stopped at the end of the hall, opening the door she reached for the light. Miss sat down on the bed and looked at Sunshine. Entering the room Sunshine pleaded, “Please not a spanking?”

 

Miss patted the bed, “I’m not going to spank you tonight.”

 

Sunshine sat obediently, “Thank you, Miss.”

 

“But you are not leaving this house tonight and we are going to have a long conversation tomorrow.”

 

“Yes, Ma’am”

 

“Now, there are nightgowns and clothing in closest. I expect you to change before bed.”

 

Miss rose and exited the bedroom closing the door. Sunshine took a quick survey of the bedroom. It was beautiful. The bed, dressers, desk and end tables were all antique. Sunshine opened the closest to discover a full and well organized closest. Looking through the nightgowns she found one that reminded her of happier times, slipping it on she felt her grandma’s arms slip around her. Climbing into bed was a chore there were just too many layers. She was lucky to have one sheet at home.

 

 

Chapter 2

 

Miss entered her bedroom to find a pacing husband.

 

“Why would you take a girl like that into our home? We are going to wake up tomorrow with half our stuff missing. You should have told the police the truth.”

 

“You better watch yourself, little boy. You know better to speak to me in that manner.”

 

Tim stopped pacing and looked embarrassed at his dominant. “I’m sorry, Ma’am.”

 

“We are going to talk about this openly but I expect the rudeness to end.”

 

“Yes, Ma’am.”

 

“What makes you think she is going to steal things? She’s been in our home before and nothing has gone missing? Right?”

 

“Yes, Hun but she’s not our child. She’s not our responsibility. You should have told the police the truth,” Tim feebly retorted. 

 

“I understand that she’s not our responsibility but she chose us. She didn’t have to but she did. She trusts us; something that doesn’t come easy for her,” Miss reminded.

 

“I know that, Hun.”

 

“And what if you told the police the truth? You know what would have happened. They’d take her home to a strung-out mother dealing drugs. She’ll end up on the streets.”  

 

“I know that but…” Tim hesitated. 

 

“What are you really afraid of here? That she’ll take your place? Haven’t we always talked about adding to our family?”

 

“Yes Ma’am, but what if it doesn’t work out? She could expose us. We’d never teach again,” Tim explained!

 

“Don’t you think if she was going to expose us, she would have already done it? I disciplined her all through high school. You know I believe that things that are meant to be always come our way?”

 

“You really do trust her. I guess I’m just afraid because we never came to an understanding at school. She hates me,” Tim worried.

 

“She doesn’t hate you. She just doesn’t understand you. There will be ground rules,” Miss informs.

 

“You really believe it’s meant to be?"

 

“I do. I don’t know how but I do,” Miss answers.

 

“You’ve always wanted someone to mentor. I mean younger to mentor. I know you wouldn’t without my blessing,” Tim thinks out loud. 

 

“I’d never hurt you in that way. You know that.”

 

“I feel like not giving my blessing would take away your dominant role and I would never do that. I need you to be in charge…. Yes.”

 

“Yes, what,” Miss questions?

 

“Yes, Ma’am I trust you with all my heart and I believe that when you say it is meant to be it is. Yes, Ma’am, ask Sunshine to stay and I will try to see what you see in her.”

 

“There’s my good trusting little boy. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Hun.”

 

 

Chapter 3 – Morning (Or Afternoon) Confessions

 

It wasn’t until 3 pm when Sunshine slowly climbed down the stairs looking for Miss. Her nightgown from the night before now had woolly socks to match. Timidly, Sunshine peered around the corner of the stairs. Miss wasn’t in the living room, so Sunshine continued quietly to the kitchen hoping for something to eat. There was no food at her home and hadn’t been for quite awhile. Noticing the fruit basket, Sunshine launched for the banana on top when she turned around, she was face to face with a weirdly dressed Tim. A minute later she realized that he had golf clubs hanging over his shoulder.

“Excuse me Sunshine, I’m just leaving for golf that way you and Miss can talk about what you need to.” Too stunned to respond Sunshine just stood there with a half-peeled banana. “Hun, Sunshine is up and in the kitchen. Hurry before she eats all our fruit,” Tim teased.

 

Embarrassed Sunshine placed the banana on the counter and watched as Tim left. Miss was leaning against the wall looking down on a scared little girl. “I wasn’t stealing I was going to pay you back.”

 

“Sunshine you can have the banana. It’s okay.”

 

“I don’t need it.” Miss crossed the kitchen and picked up the banana handing it to Sunshine.

 

“You already opened it and, in this house, we don’t waste food like that. Please sit at the table and eat it.”

 

Sunshine obeyed placing herself as far away from Miss as possible. Miss than placed a bowl, a spoon, a box of cereal and milk on the table. Sunshine looked at it like it was poisoned. Sunshine finished her banana and stared at the cereal box. She was starving but didn’t want to owe Miss anything else. Miss had helped her get out of the small town for college and here she was back sitting in her kitchen a failure just like her mother always said. “I’m fine with just the banana, Miss,” Sunshine argues.

 

“No, you aren’t. Have some cereal,” Miss ordered.

 

“No, Miss. I won’t,” Sunshine continues in defiance.

 

Miss filled the bowl with cereal, covered it with milk and placed it back in front of Sunshine, “Eat up!”

 

“I don’t need it,” I stated still defiant.

 

“That two… The rules haven’t changed in this house,” Miss warned.

 

Nervously, Sunshine glared at Miss. She knew the consequences, was it worth pushing the boundary. Retreating from Miss’s eyes Sunshine dove into the bowl of cereal. Pushing the empty bowl towards Miss a meek, ‘thank you’ exited Sunshine lips.

 

“You owe me some answers little one. Don’t you,” Miss lectured?

 

“I’m sorry I involved you.”

 

“I’m not talking about last night. I’m talking about school.”

 

Sunshine stared out the window trying to avoid the disappointment in Miss’s eyes. “I failed okay. I went and I failed.”

 

“Failed how,” Miss prompted?

 

“Just failed,” Sunshine repeated.

 

“That’s not the answer I want and you know that,” Miss sternly responded.

 

“It was just too hard, okay!”

 

“I have a very hard time believing that the courses were too hard for you. I want the truth!”

 

“My mother made it too hard. Send me money, I miss you, I can’t live without you. I gave up okay she needed money to pay a debt to her dealer so I dropped out to get the tuition money back.”

 

“Sunshine,” Miss questioned horrified.

 

“She’s still my mother, okay. She may be bad at it but I couldn’t let them hurt her.”

 

“Sunshine, you know you can’t fix or save her the rest of your life,” Miss pulls your chin forcing you to look at her.

 

“What choice do I have? I have nowhere else to go, no other family. I thought college in another city was the answer but I can’t seem to do that either.”

 

“What were your grades before you dropped out? The truth?”

 

“Why does that matter you can’t do anything about it now. Like you would anyway?” I pull my chin out of your hold and look out the window again.

 

 “What is that supposed to mean.”

 

“Nothing,” I retort annoyed.

 

“Sunshine, I want to talk to you about something very serious now. Are you listening to me?”

 

“Yeah,” Sunshine spat out.

 

Miss cringed at that response a year ago hidden away in our room, Sunshine’s safe place that in itself would have been a spank-able offence.

 

“Sunshine, Tim and I talk about this at length last night. We want you to stay here.”

 

“What do you mean stay here,” Sunshine spat out the question.

 

“Move in! Live with us. Do you remember asking me a year ago about why couples take in young adults as their children in the kink scene?”

 

“Yes, but are you telling me you two are like me,” things were starting to make sense? 

 

“We are Sunshine. Why do you think I took so much time in teaching you to be safe in the spanking community?”

 

“All this time you lied to me?” hurt and anger flashed across Sunshine’s face.

 

“Not lied just kept it from you,” Miss tried explaining. 

 

“You punished me for keeping things from you. You said it was the same as lying. How is this different,” Sunshine hollered?

 

A tear slipped from Sunshine’s eye. Miss’s confession was too much for her to handle. Sunshine had hoped and prayed that Miss wouldn’t quit on her once she left high school but she had. For months she had replayed every conversation they had had in that sound proof booth. The only thing that made sense to her was that she was Miss’s experiment and Miss decided that she wasn’t kinky like Sunshine.

 

“I never meant to lie to you. You just weren’t old enough to understand that this sort of thing is confidential,” Miss answers still trying to explain herself. 

 

“What? I never told anyone. I trusted you; I told you my deepest darkest secret, and let you mentor me. Why didn’t you trust me with your secrets,” hurt in Sunshine voice shock as she hollered?

 

“Sunshine,” Miss stammered out?

 

“I hate you!”

 

In one swift movement, Sunshine was on her feet and running out the door. Miss had no chance of catching up with her. She saw the swish of her borrowed nightgown as she dropped into the gully. Miss climbed the stairs with Sunshine’s last words ringing in her ears. Robotically, Miss found herself straightening up the room Sunshine had slept in. Deciding to wash Sunshine’s clothes Miss picked them up. She could see where Sunshine had stitched and re-stitched the clothing. There were blood stains from where Miss was sure her mother had hit her in a rage. Miss wondered if she was really any better for Sunshine then her biologically mother. Tim entered the room just shortly after 6 to find his wife starring out the window. 

 

“She said no, didn’t she,” Tim asked softly?

 

“Worse she said she hates me.”

 

“She can’t mean that. She’s just in shock. She’ll be back,” Tim tries to assure her. 

 

“No, Tim I don’t think so. I’m going to have a bath.”

 

Miss rubbed Tim’s arm for support as she left Sunshine’s bedroom.

 

“Damn, Sunshine! She really wanted this; she really wanted you.” Tim stated into the silence. 

Unsafe Travels

I knew Mama expected me to take the bus to my meeting and get a ride home with a friend. After all, it was going to be dark by the time the meeting was over. Well, typical me, procrastinated away the 5 o'clock bus, the 5:30 bus, and the last bus. I promised I was going to be at the meeting. Ignoring the possible consequences, I pulled out my bike, hopped on, and peddled my butt off towards the meeting.

The early evening quickly turned into late evening. The later it got the darker it was outside. I looked at the time before I mounted my bike for a very dark ride home. I knew Mama would be home when I arrived. I was in major trouble not only did I disobey Mama due to procrastination; I was also wearing black pants and a navy-blue sweater. If that wasn't bad enough, I had removed the bike lights off my bike and misplaced them. Something I had been hiding from Mama for about a month and a half.


I tried to be as safe as possible on the way home. I rode on the sidewalk and took extra care at street crossing but I knew that wouldn't matter to Mama. I had put myself in unnecessary danger which was one of Mama's number one rules. As I turned into the driveway, I saw Mama waiting for me on the porch. She must have checked the garage to see if my bike was in fact there. How was I going to get out of this one?


"What part of take the bus and get a ride home did you not understand?"


"I missed the bus, Mama."


"Why?"

"Cause…"


"Get in this house"


I climbed off my bike, leaned it on its kick stand and followed Mama into the house.


"I'm waiting for an answer."


"I was on Facebook."

"On Wild West, right?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"So you left in a panic, late no doubt?!"

All I managed to do was nod my head yes.

"Did you make it to the meeting on time?"

"No, Mama."

"Shall we continue the list of misbehaviours we need to address?"

"No!"

"You disobeyed me."

"I'm sorry."

"Did that sound like a question to you?"

I shook my head no.

"You disobeyed me. You procrastinated on that damn game again. You put yourself in unnecessary danger. And where the hell are your bike lights?"

"I misplaced them when I took them off."

"And why did you take them off in the first place?"

"No real reason, just cause."

"Well just cause, let me tell you what is going to happen here. Are you hearing me?"

"Yes, Mama."

"For starters you're grounded. We will be changing your computer password so I am the only one with access to it."

"That's not fair!"

"You really think you are in the position to argue right now?"

My eyes found the floor.

"I didn't think so. Your bike will be chained and locked to the garage wall. I will be the only one with the key."

"But..."

"But nothing! You rode home in the dark in dark colours with NO lights. Until you find your bike lights and learn not to put yourself at risk it will stay there. Understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"That's not to include the fact that if you had obeyed me, you would have been on the bus on time. Right?"

"Yes, Mama."

"Go get the Spencer paddle."

"Plea...."

"Right now, little girl."

There was no way Mama was going to back down. I broke a number of rules.... again. I wasn't getting out of the implement I hate most of all. I wish that Mama never purchased it. It didn't take long for Mama to realize that the Spencer paddle made me stand up straight and take notice. The faster more effective way to change my behaviour. The Spencer paddle quickly took over the place of the hairbrush as our last resort implement. Returning with the paddle I wish I had made different decisions.

"Do you have to use the paddle?"

"Let's see. Did you have to make the decisions you made today?"

"No, Mama."

"You earned this with those decisions. You knew this paddle would be the consequences. Hum?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"And you still choose to break the rules?"

"Yes, Mama."

"Well this is my choice and my responsibility to teach you, isn't it?"

"Yes, Mama."

"Why?"

"Because you're my Mama and I'm your little girl and I was unsafe."

"And?"

"I love you and you love me?"

"Enough?"

"To spank me when I need to be."

"And if I forget this punishment today?"

"I'd lose respect for you as a top and my disciplinarian."

"And what happens when you lose respect for your disciplinarian?"

"I act out and endanger myself more."

"And you know I love you too much to let that happen; so yes I am going to punish you very hard with this Spencer paddle."

A tear of remorse and fear fell from my eye. Ashamed I knelt in front of my Mama. I didn't deserve to stand at her level. A few more tears escaped my eyes as Mama pulled my chin up to look into my eyes.

"Baby girl, I don't intend to be cruel to you. I'm going to warm you up with my hand first."

A low mumble that barely was audible exited my mouth.

"Talk to me, baby girl."

"It isn't a warm up, Mama."

"I know. It hurts when I spank you with my hand too."

"Please, not bare?"

"You know better."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Up and over my knee."

With no farther hesitation I stood beside Mama waiting for her to finish adjusting her chair; once adjusted Mama reached up to lower my pants and panties. Now bare bottomed I was expected to lower myself over Mama's knee for my discipline spanking.

"Put yourself at risk like that."

"I'm sorry."

My sorry was answered by the sound of Mama's firm hand landing on my exposed bottom. Her rhythm soon quickened, teaching me her lesson of unwavering expectation she had for me; I have for myself. Mama's bare hand assault soon ended leaving my bottom red and tender. I knew the paddle was coming next.

"Hand me that paddle."

Handing the paddle to Mama I took that moment to take a deep breath. I knew what that paddle was going to do to me and it made me cringe.

"Are you starting to regret your choices today?"

"Yes, Mama"

The spanking continued as Mama started applying the Spencer paddle. All I could feel was pain, 100% pain. Soon Mama was forced to pin my legs so she could drum the lesson home over and over again. I was sure that my bottom was swelling with ever swat that landed. I was praying for Mama to stop. I had learned my lesson. I wouldn't procrastinate ever again. I'd obey no questions asked. I wouldn't put myself at risk ever! Mama started slowing the paddle. My face was red and soaked with tears of pain, shame, and love. I heard Mama lay the paddle down. I slid crying off of her lap and onto my knees.

"Thank you, Mama"

"Don't you EVER put yourself at risk like that again!"

"I promise, Mama. I just wasn't thinking."

"And what happens when you don't think?"

"I get in trouble."

"And is it fun to be in trouble?"

"No, Ma'am."

"It hurts doesn't it?"

"Very much."

"You know I don't like to punish you."

"I know."

"I'd rather only spank you in fun."

"I'm sorry, Mama."

"You're going to try harder to think first?"

"I try but it always gets messed up."

"Sunshine, nothing is messed up. It's just a bump in the road that is dealt with and forgotten."

"Promise you mean that."

"I always mean that. What did we talk about before I spanked you?"

"That I love you."

"And"

"You love me."

"Enough?"

"To spank me when it's needed."

"Does that just go away because you disappoint me?"

"No, Mama."

"Will it ever?"

"No, Mama. I promise I'll keep trying if you keep being my Mama."

"Always and forever, baby girl."

Hugging me tightly I felt Mama's forgiveness. I knew I was still grounded but I also knew I was cleansed again. It had been an exhausting twenty minutes of firm love and I was glad it was over. Mama kissed my forehead and looked into my submissive eyes for the last time that evening.

"I love you, baby girl and you are forgiven but I want you in bed right now."

"Good night, Mama"

"Goodnight, baby girl."

Climbing into bed a forgiven little girl I again felt whole. Wrapping my arms around Crush I drifted off into a deep deep sleep. 

Forbidden Temper Flares

 

Okay, so I said I would write and tell you how telling Jill went. So here it goes, Jill arrived home to me having dinner on the table and all my chores done. She knew something was wrong. She looked at me with those eyes; those firm, cut through my very being eyes.

“What did you do little girl?” Jill asked

I looked at the floor silently wanting to melt into that floor; praying for time to reverse. Jillian walked to me pulling my eyes in line with her firm stare.

“Sunshine Rose?” I melted at this point. I couldn't take the disappointed stare anymore.

“I’m sorry Jillian,” I stammered out.

“For what little girl?”

“I threw a temper tantrum like a six year old.” Within seconds I blurted the whole story out and waited for the fallout. I knew that I was in serious trouble.

“You can go to your room” is all she said and needed to say. I obeyed.

I’m pretty sure she sat downstairs eating her dinner planning my doom. It felt like she took forever to come upstairs; when she finally did all I wanted was her to paddle me; though as much as I wanted the spanking beforehand I sure wanted it to end once it started. Jillian was so disappointed in me and I knew it from the get go. I think it took her about ten seconds to get me over her knee. Of course temper flares are one hundred percent unacceptable behaviour so there was no warm up for me. I hate starting out bare it hurts like hell but I knew I deserved it. Jillian took the paddle to me right from the beginning. (Like I didn’t know that would happen) It felt like it was never going to end. I swear Jillian spanked me for a straight five minutes before she started to lecture me. I hate when Jillian’s so disappointed in me that she can’t talk to me. It didn’t take long till I was kicking and crying like the six year old I had been behaving like. I knew in that moment that this spanking wasn’t going to be ending anytime soon. I decided just to lay there and take it. I just grabbed a hold of the sheets with one hand and Jillian’s ankle with the other. I laid my head on the bed and let myself cry. At this point Jillian seemed to soften; the spanks seemed to become fewer and longer apart.


“I’m very disappointed in you,” Jill said cutting my heart.


“I know,” followed by a smack.


“I thought we had this under control, Sunshine” SMACK! SMACK!

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed out.

“Alright, Sunshine are you glad you threw a tantrum?” SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK


“No, Ma’am,” I answered quickly.


“Are you sorry you told me the truth?” SMACK


“No, than I’d be in trouble for lying.”


“Well at least you’ve learned that lesson,” Smack smack “Too bad you keep throwing
temper tantrums like a six year old.”


I swear she spanked me twenty times in a row. The tears I thought I had under control returned like the dam had broken.

“Alright, Sunshine I’m going to finish your spanking with a good caning,” than the tears really started. “I think six of the best? Sounds good Sunshine?”


“Yes, Ma’am,” I agreed.


“Then, I’m gonna put you to bed like the naughty little brat you’ve been behaving like.” Smack “Do you understand?”


“Yes, Ma’am,” I lowered my head on the bed.

“And I better not hear of anymore temper tantrums or flares; you got me Sunshine?”


“Yes, Ma’am. No more.”


“Okay, lean over the edge of the bed” Smack smack


I climbed off of Jillian’s lap and did as she said. Now I must say right here and now I hate the cane and Jillian knows it all too well. I know Jillian’s very upset with me when she pulls out the paddle and the cane together. Once I was bent over the bed Jillian started with the words again. Sometimes that's more punishing than the spanking itself.


“You’re going to receive six hard strokes with this cane. And you’re going to count them. And with every stroke I want you to think about your childish temper flares and where it gets you every time.”


“Yes, Ma’am.”


“Are you ready?”


“I guess...”

Six very hard, very stingy strokes followed. With each stroke I felt like my butt was going to explode but I also felt the guilt fading away. Finally it was over; well the spanking anyway.


“I hope we don’t have any more flares, Sunshine,” Jill questioned?


“We won’t.”


“Promise me.”

“I promise,” mentally thinking of better ways to react to life's frustrations. 


“We better not.”


“Yes, Ma’am.”


With that promise, Jill pulled me up out of my caning position and hugged my crying self. Massaging my sore on fire bottom, Jillian told me that she loves me as she does after every punishment. I clung onto her as I always do. Feeling her very being; feeling that her anger had gone; feeling her love; feeling her forgiving nature. It’s something I always look for after Jillian punishes me. I have to feel, I have to know that she has forgiven me. Pushing me back from her Jillian looked into my crying eyes.


“I’m sorry, Jillian.”


“I’m sorry too but we’re not done yet.”


“I know.”


“Go brush your teeth and what not. You’re going to bed little girl.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”


It didn’t take me long to brush my teeth, hair and go to the bathroom. I knew that Jillian would be picking out my outfit for bed. That privilege and any other would be taken away from me. My whole world was going to be very controlled for a very long time again. Until I have proven to Jillian that I can behave like an adult again. I returned to the bedroom to find Jillian waiting for me with pajamas in hand. Of course I obeyed and put them on but the last thing I wanted was underwear on my poor sore hot but deserved spanked bottom.


“Into bed little girl,” Jillian said pulling the covers back.


“Please, Jill it’s seven,” I questioned?


This was the completely wrong thing to say. Jillian whacked me another twenty times with her hand. I cried and begged her to stop. Jillian finally did stop and glared at me.


“Get into that bed little girl, now.”


Crying I climbed into bed lying on my back so I could see Jillian’s disapproving look. Jillian than tucked me in; which I was surprised about seeing I fought getting into bed. As she went to leave I reach out and took a hold of her wrist.


“Jillian, please say something, anything, I’m sorry,” sitting down on the bed.


“I know you are.”


“Please forgive me, Jillian.”

“Listen to me. Are you listening?”


“Yes, Ma’am.”


“You are to stay in this bed. I don’t want to see you until tomorrow. Do you understand me?”


“Yes, Ma’am.” I said clinging onto Jilli's hand.


“And tomorrow we’ll start anew. And yes, I will forgive you.”


“Thank you, Jillian,” I responded relieved.


“You stay in that bed little girl.”


With that Jillian went back downstairs and left me to contend with my sore bottom. I don’t know what time I fell asleep or what time Jill came to bed but I knew tomorrow would bring a new day of forgiveness and love. I fell asleep knowing Jillian loved me enough to hold me accountable for my actions and help me to become the person I want to be.

Am I Getting Spanked?

 

There I sat on Mama's porch step waiting for her return. I knew deep down that I had really done it this time. She would soon be back from dropping Lorna off at a friend’s house. The house would be empty, completely, and utterly empty. There was no way I was getting out of this one. Since the moment of my fit, I saw the plotting behind her eyes. I had embarrassed her for the last time. My attitude was going to change and it was going to change as soon as Mama returned. I shuttered as I thought about what she might have in store for my naughty disrespectful bottom. I could see the car in the distance. The closer the car got the more nervous I was becoming. Mama pulled into the laneway, parked the car, and headed for the stairs. Somewhere, I found the smallest amount of courage to speak.


"Mama? Am I getting spanked?"


She looked at me with a shocked, 'are you really asking me that' question. I answered my own question.


"Now?"


"In the house, Sunshine," Mama ordered.


I scrambled to my feet and entered the house first. Mama trailed in behind me. I stood wringing my hands in the middle of the living room waiting for some kind of instruction.


"Sunshine! You can stop that right now."


My hands immediately found their place at my sides. But as fast as they found their proper place they were returned to wringing.


"Sunshine, why are you doing that again?"


"Cause, I'm nervous," I confessed.


"I don't care if you are nervous. You know where they are supposed to be."


"Yes, Ma'am," I returned my hands to me side. 


"If I have to tell you again, I'll strap your hands."


"Please, don't Mama," I pleaded.


"Then prove to me that I don't need to."


My hands found my sides where they would be forced to remain during yet another lecture. There they soon remembered what it was like to stand at attention. My stomach flip-flopped as I watched Mama trying to turn her rage into a controlled discipline session. I had disrespected Mama and embarrassed her in front of all her friends. I knew I was in for one hell of a lesson in respect and who was in charge. I couldn't take the silence anymore.


"I am sorry, Mama."


"I'm tired of the constant public disrespect!"


"I didn't mean to," I answered. 

"Well for not meaning to you seem to do it all the time. This WILL BE the last time. Now bare your bottom!"


Too afraid to worsen my punishment I immediately obeyed the order. Within seconds I stood bare like a naughty little six-year-old in front of my Mama. The butterflies that had been growing since Mama told me that Lorna was going to a sleepover, now were complete knots.


"Mama, I love you."


"And I love you but you are still getting a spanking so stop trying to charm your way out of it. Now into your bedroom."


I almost could have cried at that order alone. Being sent to the bedroom for punishment meant no skin-to-skin contact; no over the knee; something I always longed for. I found myself placed over the side of the bed once again with my poor naked defenseless bottom on display. I had no idea what was coming but I was sure I wasn't going to like it. Before I had time to recognize the SWOOSH sound Mama's belt landed biting into my very being. The force pushed my body forward; my hands landed over my stinging bottom; and my feet found themselves over my hands, a farther mistake on top of one huge mistake. Mama was not happy nor was she playing.


"PUT YOUR FEET DOWN!" Mama ordered.


My feet found the floor quickly but my hands stayed where they were.


"MOVE YOUR HANDS, SUNSHINE!"


"Please, Mommy I don't need this. I said I was sorry," I cried.


"Sorry isn't good enough. You are going to be punished for your behaviour this week. You embarrassed me as well as disrespected me. How do you think that made me feel?"

"Not good, Mama."

"You are going to be punished. Now move your hands."


I swear my heart skipped a beat as I forced myself to place my hands back where they belonged. With a fast SWOOSH, a second lick landed across my tender flesh. This time instead of my hands finding my bottom, my bottom found the floor. I wasn't going to take this spanking without a fight. I really can't explain the inner workings of my mind. My refusal to submit at this point wasn't because I felt I didn't deserve it or that Mama was being unfair. Sometimes I just get stubborn. Something Mama knew all too well how to deal with.

"Sunshine, I'm not going to fight with you. You know you deserve this. You know this will happen one way or another. Your behaviour so far this week has been uncalled for, cruel, and just plain mean. I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. You know better. And you are grounded the rest of the week."


"But, Mama."


"But Mama nothing! And Sunshine!"


"Yes, Ma'am."


"You can stay in this room until you are ready to submit to your punishment."


"No, Mama."


"I am NOT going to wrestle with you. You know I am disappointed in you. You know I love you no matter what. But you will not defy me."


Mama exited the bedroom closing the door behind her. My heart broke tears of shame started rolling down my cheeks. Again, I was a disappointment to Mama, something I never wanted to be. I heard Mama starting the dishes as I cried my guilty broken heart away. But I still was not ready to admit that Mama knew what was best. You see I was mad at her a little bit. I didn't want to go to the party but she made me. You see after all it was Mama's fault, she put me in the position. Right? Just as soon as I thought about blaming Mama my heart ripped farther open with guilt. I'm not four! I should have been able to control myself. OH! NO! Mama is right and I just made things worst by refusing to listen. Quietly without a speck of attitude, I cracked the door open a hair, and then an inch, and then a little more. Mama was standing at the sink with her back to me. I took a deep breath and meekly spoke.


"Mommy?"


"Yes, little girl," Mama responded.


"I'm ready to listen now, Mama."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, Ma'am."


"Then back into the bedroom and wait for me," Mama ordered.


"I don't like being sent to the bedroom."


"GO!"

Defeated I returned to the bedroom to wait. I did really hate being sent to my room or left there till I decided to listen. Mama sure knew how to use this tool against me. Alone with nothing to do but think about my wrongdoings, my refusal to admit it, and my doom to come. After what seemed like a dogs’ age, I finally heard the sink emptying. I felt my heart jump a beat as I waited for Mama's footsteps to get closer and closer and closer. The door opened and there was Mama holding the belt once again.


"I will not give you another chance to listen, Sunshine. So, you better be good and ready or you'll be listening to the paddle instead."


"I promise, Mama," I meant it. 


"Then into position."


Obediently and very submissively I placed myself over the bed. Over the bed just like Mama had placed me about twenty minutes before. It wasn't long before the house was filled with the constant SWOOSH of the belt, followed by a cry of pain as it landed across my bottom. Lick after lick landed as Mama taught me yet again what happens to disrespectful little girls. My bottom now red and raw was coming to the end of its pain threshold. I soon found it harder to maintain my position. In front of me was a pool of guilty tears that escaped so freely for once in my life. I felt Mama slowing as I started sliding off the bed a little. A girl can only concentrate on so many things when her bare bottom is being lit on fire. I knew why she was slowing. I readjusted myself back on the bed tears still flowing.


"I'm sorry Mama. I wasn't trying to move."


"I don't want to have this conversation again this week."

"We won't," I assured her. 

Crack!! The belt landed again taking me by surprise.

"We better not because next time it will be the paddle. Have I made myself clear?"

Mama followed her question with a series of fast and furious strokes. Each additional lick that landed made my cry out farther. The house was soon filled with:

"Yes, Ma'am.....Mama, I promise.......Mommy, please stop.....I'll be good"

Anything to get her to stop. Something I knew she wouldn't do until I was silent and the begging stopped. I forced myself to quiet down and accept this final assault to my bottom. Finally, the rain of stingy lashes stopped.

"I think I have now made myself clear."

"Yes, Mama. I sorry I was mean," I apologized.


"You need to start thinking before acting."


"Yes, Ma'am."


There was an awkward silence as I thought about how to word the next question. I was still in position and really didn't want to feel the belt again so soon.

"Mama?"


"Yes, Sunshine?"

"Am I really grounded the rest of the week?"

"What do you think?"

"I guess so," I answered.


"You guess so?"

"Okay I know so!.......Mama?"

"Yes?"


"Do you still love me?"

"How could I not love you?"

"I don't know? Cause you spanked me?"

"Sunshine, you know I spank you because I love you."


"I guess?"

"Would you rather I not care what you did," Mama questioned?

"No, Ma'am."


"Would you rather I not spank you?"


"No!!!...... I don't feel good when I don't get spanked."


"Well, then don't ask that question again."


"Mama???"


"Sunshine??"


"Can I have a cuddle?"

"Of course, you can have a cuddle."


Seconds later I was safe and loved in Mama's arms. I hoped we could stay this way for the rest of the night. Knowing that it wasn't possible I tried to hold onto every second Mama allowed me to have.


"Mama?"

"Yes, Babygirl."


"Please, don't make me go to bed!?"


"Sunshine! You are going to bed. And why is that?"

"Cause I had to be punished."


"And where do well punished little girls belong?"


"In bed..."

Mama forced me out of her embrace and firmly placed me in bed. Tucking me in, she allowed me one brief kiss.

"I don't want to go to bed, Mama."

"You are going to bed!"


Mama kissed my forehead one final time and exited the room. There I was left to ponder my tender bottom. As I laid there thinking about how I was going to be a good girl I couldn't help but feel like Mama really didn't want me in bed already. It was so rare that we ever had the house to ourselves in the summertime. An hour had passed since I was placed into bed for reflection time. I did truly reflect on things and came up with a plan to help me control my temper in public. I knew Mama wouldn't be mad if I got up this one time. Quietly, I climbed out of bed and headed to the door. Timidly I poked my head around the door frame so I could see Mama in the living room. For the second time that night, my meek self came out.


"Mama?"


"Come here to me, Sunshine"

Crying I ran to her, flopping myself beside her, I lowered my head into her lap.

"I'm sorry, Mama. I do love you."


A quiet and gentle shhhh is all I received as mama stroked my tears away.