A Helping Hand

 

I had a really rough time entering high school. I was angry at the world. I grew up in a small close-knit town with no one I could talk to about my true feelings. I didn't understand why while all my friends were crushing on boys, I was crushing on girls. I thought I was a freak or sick or something. If that wasn't bad enough, I had a second issue. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to get spanking out of my mind. Something that was there from the time I was three only seemed to grow as I grew older. It was all I could think of. Growing up at the beginning of the internet age every time my parents were out of the house (which was often) I would search for anything spanking. Soon, my searching started to lead me onto adult sites I knew I had no business being on at fourteen or fifteen, or even sixteen and seventeen. Unfortunately, I couldn't stop myself; stories started emerging from the depth of my being. Even though I was scared shitless someone would find out about my adult endeavours I found myself returning again and again to these sites. Fantasies started emerging left, right, and centre; I would sit in class daydreaming about ways to get myself spanked. Too bad, I knew my parent would never take the bait. Please they hardly knew I existed. So, I started turning to my group of very dangerous drug friends that I too kept hidden from everyone. They were game for experimenting with anything anyone wanted to, safety and a person's well-being were never important. I was going down a very dangerous road. I feel if the fates hadn't stepped in and caused what was about to progress, I would probably be permanently injured or if not dead.

Having to hide my homosexuality and my spanking needs, was causing me to become very angry. I was starting to lash out at my friends, my fellow students, my teachers, and my family. The drugs I was taking to push everything down, just weren't helping anymore. I was ready to explode at any moment when one of my teachers made the mistake that led me to my first-ever disciplinarian. She decided that I had no right to leave class early for my doctor’s appointment. I ended up acting out towards her and should have been expelled. The only reason I wasn't expelled was because my soon-to-be disciplinarian stepped in and took responsibility for me. She put her reputation on the line for me, from that day on if I screwed up at school, I went to her. I didn't go to the Vice-Principal he had washed his hands of me. Now you have to understand that not only did she put her reputation on the line for me she put her job on the line for me. The deal was that if I ever put my hands on another teacher again not only would I be out of school so would she. There was a lot on the line. I didn't understand in the beginning why she would do that. It took me until the end of high school to fully get it.

So, my new arrangement started. Homework wasn't completed; to Miss’s classroom, I went. I mouthed off in class; to Miss’s classroom, I went again. She tried absolutely everything she could think of to get me to do what I was supposed to do. I refused and refused and refused. I frustrated this woman like you wouldn't believe. I don't remember what I had done that first day I let the secret out of the bag. I just don't think it matters anymore. But there we sat again; I still remember how uncomfortable those chairs were. Miss, looking, at me frustrated and angry, and I, looking, at the ground, arms crossed, waiting for the lecture, dreaming about going over her knee.

"Sunshine, you can at least show me enough respect, to look at me when I am about to talk to you."

I looked up but only for a second. Her disappointed eyes cut me to the core. I did respect her and I understood the chance she took on me but this lecture process just didn't work for me. I needed it; no; wanted; it to intensify but I was so scared to say what was on my mind. We had been doing this for a month and every time she would say to me, "You can tell me anything you need to. I won't judge you." I didn't know how to say it. I didn't even know what to call it at that point. I was a freak that's what I was.

"You know what Sunshine? I ask you to be honest with me. I ask you to do your school work and behave in class. Is that too much to ask? I want to know."

"It's not."

"Well, clearly it must be because we find ourselves here again."

All I could do was shrug my shoulders, something I knew she hated.

"Nothing to say Sunshine? Nothing? You know what?" Miss stood and started heading to the classroom door but then stopped for some reason. With three long strides, she was standing beside me again. "You're better than this, Sunshine. You know it and so do I. It frustrates me that you just sit there like you don't care that you're throwing your future away. Like? Do you care at all that I put my job on the line for you?"

"I do."

"You have a funny way of showing it. Do you understand how disrespectful your behaviour is towards me right now?"

"Yes."

"Then, why?"

"Because…"

"Because is not an answer."

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't," I said crossing my arms another big no-no.

"You do, you just don't trust me enough to talk to me about it. So what? What is it," Miss demanded?

"I'm not fucking talking about this with you. Mind your fucking business for once," I hollered in return.

Miss looked down at me in shock. I had never sworn at her before now. She knew she hit a nerve maybe if she kept pushing, she would get me to say it. Miss knew the signs were there. She had been watching them intensify with every session we had like this.

"Sunshine, you don't talk to me like that. Ever! I am trying to help you here."

"Well, I don't want your help."

"Then, what do you want me to do? Huh? Because right now you've got me frustrated to the point, all I want to do is spank that attitude right out of you." Tears started rolling down my face. I did respect Miss with all my being but I couldn't help but push and push and push until we were at this point. I didn't know if I could trust her with my deepest darkest secrets. What if she thought I was a freak that needed to be sent away? "Sunshine? Talk to me? You don't have to bury everything anymore. Trust me. What are you trying so hard to hide from me?"

"Maybe you should," I breathed out.

"Should what? Spank you," Miss questioned?

"Yeah.......I can't stop thinking about it."

"About what," Miss prodded further?

"Spanking. I'm a freak."

"You are not a freak," Miss announced.

"Yes, I am."

"Calm down. Stop crying and talk to me. You are not a freak."

"But…"

"You are not a freak and I don't want to hear you say that again," Miss ordered.

 

"Okay, but…"

"No! No buts! I know you're young and don't understand. I know you're trying to figure things out but are not a freak," Miss assured.

"Yes, I...”

"Aut! Some people just need more than talking. I want you to be honest with me. Okay?"

"I'll try."

"Is that what you feel you deserve and need for the behaviour that has been happening?"

"yes.....no......maybe.....I don't know."

"Be honest."

Nodding yes. "Maybe but I don't know about like in the videos?"

"Videos? Where have you been watching videos?"

"On sites," I confessed.

"Adult sites?!"

"Yeah."

"Sunshine? What were you going to do if someone saw your browser history?"

 

"I don't know? Lie?"

"You are not allowed to lie. Do you understand me," Miss demanded?

"Yes, Ma'am," it slipped so naturally out from between my lips. Like it was something I was forever destined to say. Something that was meant to forever be a part of who I am. Like deep down I knew my place and what was expected of me in a situation like this.

"Are you 100% sure you want me to spank you," Miss asked looking for consent?

"I think so. But I'm nervous," I answered, fidgeting with my shirt.

"Why?"

"Cause what if someone finds out about it? What if people think I'm a freak? What if I get you in trouble? What if it hurts too much," raced out of my mouth?

"Sunshine, I promise you whatever is discussed between us will never leave this room. And I will never think you are a freak. Do you believe me when I tell you that?"

"Yes, I promise you that I too will never ever tell anyone that you have agreed to do this. Do you trust me," I repeated?

"Yes, I do. Off to the recording booth you go," Miss ordered.

"Okay."

I found myself in my school's sound-proof recording studio. Hidden away in the back of the classroom where no one could disturb us like it was meant to be. My first safe place was about to see its first spanking. My first classroom of learning to keep myself safe in this spanking world I was about to enter. Why Miss was so willing to help fill my need was beyond me at this point. I just felt it was going to be safer this way; my drug friends' experiments were starting to frighten me. They refused to listen to one another it had turned into how much pain can you take instead of what I needed it to be. I was hoping that Miss could give me what I so desperately needed…Discipline caring discipline.

"We're going to go slow Sunshine. We're going to make sure this is what you really want. Go get the chair for me."

"Yes, Ma'am."

I pulled out the chair into the middle of this small room. My hands were starting to sweat my stomach was flip-flopping. My fantasies were about to come true but did I really want what I fantasized about?

"Okay, Sunshine. We are going to start slow but it will hurt and will teach you a lesson," Miss taught.

"Yes, Miss."

Miss placed herself down on the chair. Motioning she said: "Over you come, Sunshine."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Are you ready," Miss questioned?

"I'm afraid it's going to hurt," I blurted out.

"It is going to hurt. That's the point. Right?"

"Yes."

Miss's hand landed on the centre of my left cheek. The beginning of my new world had started with a searing pain from cheek to cheek. Having not been really spanked in my life I was shocked at the amount of pain Miss's tiny hand could inflict on my naughty bottom. Her rhythm was steady like she had done this before. I was soon a sorry and sore little girl trying to roll off her lap.

"Sunshine, you wanted this. You need to learn to stay still during a spanking. Do you understand me," Miss lectured?

"Yes, Miss but it hurts," I cried out.

"It's supposed to, isn't it?"

"Yes, Ma’am."

"Are you thinking twice about misbehaving and then disrespecting me?"

"Yes, Ma'am. I'm sorry."

"Not yet," Miss announced.

The spanking continued on my not-so-vanilla bottom. Two spanks on the left and then the right, back and forth, back and forth until I started to submit. I submitted to letting the guilt I felt release through my tears. I had needed a firm hand for a very long time; perhaps since birth. As I started to really cry the spanking seemed to slow. My bottom was burning I was wondering how all those people online could handle getting spanked with all those weird-looking things. I was hoping I was going to find out. Four final hard spanks landed across each cheek.

"Up you get. Go stand in the corner," Miss pointed.

Obediently I headed to the corner. Did I really have a choice at this point? Okay I'm sure I did but this is what I had wanted, what I had dreamt about, what I had fantasized about, what I longed for, was I really going to turn away from my chance. Facing the corner, I stood with thousands of questions running through my mind. Hoping, that as time went on, I would have answers to all my burning questions. My bottom hurt so much, I had no idea that it was going to hurt that much. I couldn't help it I just had to try and rub the pain away; the warmth of my bottom excited me. I never knew my bottom could become so warm.

"Sunshine, hands on your head."

"Yes, Ma'am."

There I stood obediently in that corner, hands on my head, my bottom nicely warmed. The tick of the clock was all I could hear. I was wondering how long Miss expected me to stand here for.

"Come here, Sunshine."

I returned to the chairs we started our conversation in, waiting for whatever else Miss had in mind; willing to obey her fully.

"Thank you, Miss."

"Do you feel like you can do what is expected of you now?"

"Yes, Miss. I'm sorry I've been disrespecting you."

"I know you are. You can go get ready for your next class now."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Sunshine, when you're home tonight I want you to think about what just happened. I mean really think about it and decide if you want to continue down this road."

"I think I do Miss."

"I still want you to think about it. We will talk about it tomorrow," Miss ordered.

"I understand."

I walked out of that classroom that day as a changed person. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had told someone my secret and they didn't run away. Was there someone else out there who really understood the need I had? Someone who wasn't going to judge me for it? I was sure that people in the hallway noticed that there was a bit of a hop in my step as I returned to my locker. There was so much for my brain to process that night but I knew I felt grounded. For the first time in my whole life, I felt grounded and whole. Looking back on it now my first spanking was really everything I hoped for.