Instant Regret

Staring at the teacher's lounge door, I took a slow deep breath. I knew I needed to own up to my behaviour but the consequences were making me nervous. I must will myself to knock on that door. Just then Miss Austen walked up behind me.

 

"Do you need Miss T, Sunshine?"

 

"Yes Ma'am, if she's not busy," I responded.

 

Miss Austen disappeared into the lounge. Miss Austen knew exactly why I was seeking out Miss. It was her class where the misbehaviour happened. I was replaying the events when Miss appeared at the door.

 

"Yes, Sunshine."

 

"I need to talk to you, Miss."

 

"Alright."

 

"In private, Ma'am."

 

I turned and headed towards the studio. Miss followed no questions asked. We were again in the safety of the studio; my confessional.

 

"Well, Sunshine?"

 

"I messed up today, Miss."

 

"How?"

 

"I broke one of our rules," I confessed. 

 

"Spill it!"

 

"I lost my temper in Miss Austen's class," I rushed out.

 

"Okay? How did that break a rule?"

 

"It involved swearing and yelling to the point the shop teacher came to see what was going on."

 

"A tantrum, Sunshine?!"

 

"I tried to control it. I know I deserve to be punished," I admitted. 

 

"Yes, you do!"

 

"Please, punish me, Miss."

 

Miss grabbed a pen and some paper from her desk. Placing it on the desk I was standing by, she motioned me to sit. I obeyed.

 

"You are to write apology letters to Miss Austen and Mr Matthews. You have ten minutes they better be honest and heartfelt."

 

"Yes, Miss."

 

Knowing I was going to be delivering these apologies I was as honest as possible. I completed them in the allotted amount of time.

 

"Sunshine?"

 

"Yes, Miss?"

 

"You know my feelings about swearing and tantrums?"

 

"Yes, Miss."

 

"You know the consequences?"

 

"Yes, Ma'am."

 

"You know I don't stand for it," Miss lectured. 

 

"I know."

 

"It's the belt, bare."

 

"I know, Miss."

 

"50 strokes."

 

"But I told you, Miss," I pleaded!

 

"Yes, you did but that has never meant a decrease in punishment, has it?"

 

"No, Ma'am."

 

"Just more severe if you didn't, right?"

 

"Right."

 

"It teaches you to be honest and responsible for all your actions, the good and the bad ones."

 

"Yes, Ma'am."

 

"Good girl. Now prepare to be disciplined."

 

Standing I headed into the sound board turning the recording in session light on. Knowing Miss wouldn't change her mind. I lowered both my jeans and panties. Placing the palms of my hands firmly on the chair in front of me I waited for Miss to correct me.

 

"You know why I'm about to strap you?"

 

"Yes, Miss."

 

"You know that your behaviour was 100% unacceptable."

 

"Yes, Miss."

 

"I expect you to accept your earned discipline."

 

"I'm going to, Miss."

 

"Then let's get this over with."

 

A series of ten strokes landed in steady repetition followed by a brief break. Tears of pain and guilt were soon flowing just like a stream. Miss had me fully broken by the end of series four.

 

"I'm sorry. I'm sooo sorry I disappointed you."

 

"You disappointed yourself just as much as me," Miss corrected.

 

"I know, Miss. That's why I told you."

 

"And that's why we are going to finish your punishment."

 

The final series of 10 strokes landed harder than the first 40. I knew Miss wanted to make sure I forgave myself for my immature behaviour. Stroke 50 landed leaving me in a pool of tears as Miss put her belt back on.

 

"Please don't quit me. I don't want to be a horrible girl," I cried.

 

"You are not a horrible girl. Sunshine, you’re not a horrible girl. You can’t mean that?"

 

"Yes, Miss, I do."

 

"You are not a horrible girl. You are a wonderful girl that needs discipline at times."

 

"You, promise?"

 

"Sunshine?"

 

"I just....I'm sor...no one cares about me...thank you for caring, Miss."

 

"Pull your pants up. We're going to talk about the rest of your punishment."

 

Sliding my jeans back over my swelling disciplined bottom I tried to slow my tears. Once dressed Miss took a hold of my upper arm and led me back to the desk where our conversation had started.

 

"You are to deliver those letters in person to Miss Austen and Mr Matthews."

 

"Yes, Ma'am."

 

"And I WILL be checking."

 

"I understand."

 

"You're grounded for the next three weeks."

 

"Yes, Miss."

 

"That means you come to school, you go home from school, you finish ALL your homework, you do your chores, you eat dinner, and then you go to bed."

 

"Yes, Miss."

 

"Now come over here."

 

Very rarely did I experience a hug after Miss punished me. This was one of those rare occasions. Thinking back, she must have felt how disappointed I truly was in myself. Holding onto all her love and understanding I broke again; bawling into her shoulder I cried my sadness away. As I calmed, Miss released her hold on me.

 

"I'm so sorry, Miss."

 

"I know you are."

 

"I'll be better."

 

"I know you will be."

 

"Do I have to report to you each day?"

 

"Not this time. But if you break your grounding in any way things will change," Miss warned.

 

"Yes, Miss."

 

"Now clean yourself up and head to class," Miss ordered.

 

As I left my confessional, I felt forgiven and centred. The slate was clean again and we could move forward.