The Belt Incident

Growing up with an abusive father I found it really hard to trust men in general. At nine my father did the whole family a favour by killing himself. It was the one good thing he did for our family. He set us all free.

When I was ten my mother met a new man, the man that was going to change my life forever. Bill always said that he never wanted children. It was beyond him. But fate stepped in and he married my mother when I was twelve. Mum had 8 children with my father and she and my step-father would have 5 of their own.


Always wanting the true love of a father I found myself trying everything to get Bill to treat me like his true daughter. I am not saying that he didn't because he did. Well until it came to disciplining me. You see Bill was well aware of the childhood we had so far. Bill never wanted to push us older children into respecting him in that way. So I found myself and Bill doing a bit of a dance for the first two years he and my mother were married. I'd only managed to get Bill to start to punish me and then he'd remember that he didn't want to discipline us. And again I would be stuck waiting for my mother to get home from work. Not the results I was hoping for. Don't get me wrong I knew Bill loved me as if I was his own. I never doubted his love for a second but knowing I needed a 'firm hand' from an early age made me long for what I felt was 'real discipline.'


I have written before about my temper; something I still struggle to control some days. In the first semester of Grade 9, mine and Bill's relationship would forever be changed. Having a horrible day at school I lost my temper during my final class of the day. Cussing out my English teacher wasn't a great idea. The vice-principal was called to the class which ended in me being suspended and my parents being called to come get me. My mother at that point was at work not arriving home till late, so, in walked Bill to pick me up. I could tell he wasn't happy with me but I knew I was safe. After all, he had never disciplined me in any way, I thought I was golden. And still, in a rage of annoyance, I allowed my mouth to run away with me.


"What are you doing here?"


"You know very well why I'm here"


"Where's my mother?"


"At work, Sunshine."


"They said they were going to call my parent. You're not my parent!"


"You need to stop this behaviour right now, Sunshine."


"Don't talk to me. Just because you married my mother doesn't mean you're my parent."


At this point, the vice-principal decided it was time to enter the conversation. "This is the type of attitude she's had all day. No one is going to tell her what to do. She not going to class and if she does the teacher can just fuck off. We can't have this kind of behaviour."

"I understand that, Sir. And so does she. Don't you, Sunshine?"

"Not likely!"


"Sunshine....Sunshine, I want you to apologize to your VP and get in the car."

"I'm not going anywhere with you. You are not my parent."

Bill had had enough. In one quick and strong movement, Bill picked me up by the collar of my shirt and seat of my pants and through me in the back of the car. There was to be no more debate. I was going to do as he told me to. The car ride home was short and terrifying. Bill had never laid a hand on me in any kind of discipline form. I was starting to think that this was about to change. We arrived home Bill parked the car and pulled me out of the car and into the house. I was right I had gone too far. Suspension was not okay nor was back talking to him in the disrespectful manner I had. Unequipped at disciplining anyone let alone a defiant teenager Bill found himself using a form of discipline he wasn't sure was okay or appropriate for a teenager.


"In the corner now, Sunshine!"


"Are you kidding me?! I'm not a child."


Refusing to allow me to further disrespect him, Bill ignored the feeling of being unequipped.


"Do I look like I'm kidding?"

"No, Bill. But this is for kids."

"I don't care what you think. You are going to do as I say when I say. Do you understand me?"

Looking into Bill's determined eyes I realized I wasn't going to win this battle. I obediently found my way into the corner I hadn't seen in 3 years. I still don't know how long I was in that corner but it was long enough for my sisters to start arriving home from school. They were immediately sent to their rooms I knew this meant that Bill wasn't done with me yet.

"Sunshine?"

"Yes, Bill."


"Are you ready to listen now?"

"Yes."

"Yes, Sir."


"Yes, Sir."

"Come take a seat so we can talk about what is about to happen here."

I found a chair pulled out for me right next to Bill. I was nervous to be within arms reach of him. I was still shocked that he picked me up and threw me in the back of the car. I wasn't sure what he was planning now.


"Sunshine, I want you to understand that I was very upset with you."

"I know, Bill."


"I want you to understand that kind of behaviour is unacceptable and will not be tolerated."


"I'm sorry, Bill."

"I also want you to understand that I love you like you are my own daughter. I was very hurt by what you said."

"I love you too, Bill. You know, I didn't mean what I said."


"But you said it and I heard it. That can't be changed."


"I know Bill."

"I'm going to punish you Sunshine."

"But you said you never would?!"


"I know I did, but I think I've been doing a disservice to you. I think you need me to punish you."


"No, I don't."

"You don't have a choice. I've made up my mind. I am going to punish you. I'm going to punish you the only way I know how."


"I don't understand."


"I'm going to take my belt to you."


My head was spinning. This is something I longed for but was it really happening?


"Yes, Sunshine I'm going to take my belt to you just like my father did to me. I'm going to do this because I love you and I want you to understand that your behaviour today is never going to happen again."


"It won't."


"I know it won't because I'm going to show you what will happen if it does."

"I'm scared."


"I know you are but this is going to happen. You need to learn how a proper father treats their child."


My heart broke. He loved me, truly loved me something that I never felt from my real father or at least I don't remember feeling it from my real father.


"Mama's never spanked me before, Bill."


"Well there is a first time for everything, isn't there?"

"Yes, Sir."

"I want you bent over the arm of the couch."


Obediently, I placed myself in my first-ever spanking position. I wasn't sure how what was about to happen was going to feel. I had never felt a belt for as much as I daydreamed about it. I could just imagine all my sisters sitting at the top of the stairs waiting to hear what was going to happen.

"Do we have to do this?"


"Yes, Sunshine."


I took one long deep breath as Bill talked himself into following through with his decision. The first lash of the belt was like nothing I had ever felt before. The leather left a growing sting behind that was only to be increased with the next lash. It wasn't long till I found myself apologizing for my behaviour and promising that it would never happen again begging for the spanking to stop as I started crying. Even a, 'Please stop Daddy' almost left my lips. And then just as soon as the spanking had started it stopped. Leaving me breathless trying to control my tears. Bill then turned back into the sweet and loving man I had always known. Pulling me up into a hug Bill rubbed my back until I was calmed down.


"You do understand why I had to do that?"


"Yes, Sir."

"Why, Sunshine?"


"Because my behaviour was unacceptable. And I disrespected you."


"You understand I couldn't let you get away with that?"


"Yes, Sir!"

"Why?"


"Because no one loves a person that acts like that."


"Sunshine, that's not true. I will always love you no matter what you do. I punished you because I love you."


"I understand...Bill......You do love us like we are all yours?"


"Of course, Sunshine."


"Bill?"


"Yes?"


"Can I go to my room now?"

Bill shook his head yes and I headed upstairs. I was right my sisters were sitting at the top of the stairs but no one dared to ask anything. I headed into my room for the rest of the evening hoping that Mama would decide I was punished enough. It was about 9pm when Bill entered my bedroom with a sandwich for me. I was too nervous to face Mama and my sisters at the dinner table. They took pity on me and left me to think about the day’s events. I looked up into my step-father's approving eyes. There was something I wanted to ask him. I knew our relationship had changed.


"Sunshine, I want to ask you something. I want you to be honest with me."


"Yes, Bill."

"Have you been trying to get me to discipline you for the last year or so?"

"Yes, Sir...Are you mad?"


"No, not mad."

"I feel better now."


"What do you mean?"

"I've always wondered what it was like."


"What was like?"


"To have a father that loved me and would punish me like that if needed."


"Like what?"


"Spank me...Am I crazy?"

"No, you're not crazy. Am I to understand that if I had spanked you earlier in our relationship things would have been better, sooner?"


"I'm sorry, Bill. I couldn't tell you."


"I love you, Sunshine. You will always be my daughter no matter how many more children your mother and I have together. You understand that?"


"Yes, Bill. I know that.


"But have you always known it?"


"I think so, Bill."


"Good, you had me worried."


"Bill?"

"Yes, Hun."


"Can I call you Dad? If you don't mind?"


"Of course, I don't mind. I would love you to call me Dad or Daddy or even Father."


"Daddy?"


"Yes."


"Are you going punish me again when needed?"

"I think I am. Are you okay with me doing so?"

"Yes, Sir."


"I want you to go to bed now."


Going to sleep that night I was happy that I had finally managed to tell my step-father the truth. He was my father and I needed him to be my father in every way. He understood that now and was willing to show me he could be the father I felt I needed. I was lucky to have him in my life for those seven years. I wish it could have been longer but I guess it is true the good do die young.